Sara Bereika
2D9
2D9 is a professional organizing company focusing exclusively on organizing businesses and individuals so they can be more productive, more efficient and less stressed. Being organized can save money, improve how we spend our time, and provide more control over the environments in which we live and work. 2D9 provides you with an organizational trainer and partner who will work with you to establish systems that will make your days easier and more fulfilling.
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Sara,
This is much more concise than many pitches I see and I think you’re close to having something very good. Remember that it is all about them, not you, so be careful with words like “we”. Frankly, they don’t care about you (sorry) so say “Being organized can save you money and give you more control...”
A good exercise to help you craft your pitch is to ask you clients why they hired you in the first place. Listen exactly to the words they use and copy them- don’t try to make them sound more polished. If you can make your pitch precisely the same as the “wish” in someone’s head, you’ll be on your way to riches. For example, how many people lay awake at night and think “I want my life to be more fulfilled?” It’s a nice sentiment and it makes your business sound really altruistic, but I’d bet more lay awake and think “I wish this place wasn’t such a pit.”
Think about it a bit more and pitch again. I’d love to see what you come up with.
Laura,
Thank you for your feedback. I agree with everything you said 100%.
I do have one concern… as I work on making changes I feel the need to inform people of HOW they can save money, improve their lives, and be happier. Is it too much to include some factual information? Like (for example) 10 out of 20 businesses fail due to a lack of organization etc.
(cont.)
... 2D9 will make sure your company is not one of them.